she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
