I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
