I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We got so high we made milksteak
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Floor bacon is actually really good
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