put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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