after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
