worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
