I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
