I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i think i have herpe
just one?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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