wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
