you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
