My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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