This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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