Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
