Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
