I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
