I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Two words: blizzard sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize