He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
