why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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