A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
