Are we in a gay sports bar?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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