I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
