i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
