I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
