Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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