how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
