it was like fucking gandolphs beard
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
