oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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