Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
