Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
