i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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