It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize