I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
