i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
