can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
