Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is Oprah even human
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
