K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize