I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
COCAINE IS GR8
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
