I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
