Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
