grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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