I wish my penis had an off switch
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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