you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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