If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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