i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
