I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize