I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
