the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
