So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
