That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
