I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
