I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
