I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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