i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
