She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize