how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
