the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
