She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
