Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
