did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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