Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The air was thick with penises
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
