oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
...so i touched it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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