Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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