You're my little dorito
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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