I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
