she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
