i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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