Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
