At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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