Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
