I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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