YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
