This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
