I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
home. puking in laundry basket.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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