I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My feet surprised me
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